My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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