Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
