I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
whose parrot is this?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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