He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
