u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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