Someone shit on the floor
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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