Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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