I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
