Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
