Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
