Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize