why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
