Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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