I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
