So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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