I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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