when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
