So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
