I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize