I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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