get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
