I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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