ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
