At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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