yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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