Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
