Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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