i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
