Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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