She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize