definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
