i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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