I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
