i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize