You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
