thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
