I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
