It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Let's get the cat blown out
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
