upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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