So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
