He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
