i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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