My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
