I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
