I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Randomize
