new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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