I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize