Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
