I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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