I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
