So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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