Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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