$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
