Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
