I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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