Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She bit a glass in half.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
be right there i have to get my cape
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
