Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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