He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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