there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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