I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
