i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
