don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
