I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
