he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
