Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
