I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
