I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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