My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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