So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
