Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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