i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
