i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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