I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
