gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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