dude i'm inner monologue high
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you have feelings for this penis?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize