I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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