ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
