dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
