um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
