I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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