I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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