remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
