She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
