I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
