Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
