if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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