a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
