I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize