My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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