those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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