onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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