I bet he comes in French.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
