I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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