Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
