Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
