No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
