do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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