This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
