Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Congratulations! We have a period
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