We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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