sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
