once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
